Pegasus2001

Expectations
Meghan Davis
First Place, Poetry
Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College

I watched the best minds of my generation
go to waste as we struggled
to become what others wanted us to be.

Why, don't you know?
Be all that you can be.
You can be anything you want to be, they tell us.
Be all that you can be within reason.
Within our lines. Within our rules.

When I sit and listen, I drift. As usual.
Am I in American Literature or Theology 101?
Even my professor forgets.
Who are you to test my beliefs? To question my God?
If I want your opinion, I'll ask.
You say I'm paying for it.
No. I'm paying you for the grade.
Just give me the grade and I'll go quietly.

You see.  I only need it to fit their measurements.
My whole damn life revolves around their standards.
Will I be good enough? Will they like me?
Probably not.
How do I compare (such a nasty word)? Do I shine bright enough
with this plastic coating?
Doubtful.
I'm tired of kissing ass.
Did I kiss enough ass?
Probably not.

Who do you want me to be?
What's wrong with dropping out of college, his parents ask.
Why can't you be more like us? Why can't you conform?
Fit our mold. Marry at 19. Be pregnant at 20. Surely you understand, child.
Just close your eyes and pretend the world isn't there.
See? It's ok. We've done it. Look how easy it is.

They won't ever get it.
Don't you see I want more?
Can't you see that you've failed?
I won't fail. I can't.
I've pushed too hard
given up and conformed too many times sacrificed myself too often
for too long
to quit now.